Saturday, 30 July 2011

Day of the Kittens

I am totally insane.

  • single mum of 3
  • student midwife
  • 4 guinea pigs
  • 2 gerbils
  • 3 hamsters (thankfully cared for by eldest)
  • an elderly Dad to keep an eye on
and now KITTENS! but hey I love the chaos!

We 'found' these cutie pies about 10 days ago, from the Cats Protection League, we visited them and fell in love straight away. They were too young to come away from Mum then (born on the 29th May 2011). So yesterday they had their first jabs and were microchipped - and in the evening we went to collect them. They have been a constant source of entertainment ever since! having been warned they would probably be drowsy from the jabs we weren't expecting much - but obviously no one told the kittens yet!

Before you ask no they have no names yet - we cant decide!

Monday, 18 July 2011

Aha that feels good

Essays all finished
3 shifts to do
practice based assesment done and handed in
skills book completed and handed in
hours up to date
nearly the end of the second year!

blimey it feels good!
In just under a week I start a 3 week placement at a hospital in another PCT (and another Uni teaching hospital) for the experience.

and then its 6 weeks off - BLISS!

Saturday, 2 July 2011


I am grieving.
grieving for the loss of my lover and friend
grieving for dreams I had for our future
grieving for the life I had

passing through different stages is important to let grief pass

Shock - inital shock of losing someone - Oh yes definately been there, the first few weeks after Mr.B told me were hell, I often felt sick and scared.

Denial - it doesnt feel like its happening - that one went on for a very long time, in fact right up until he moved out in April, and maybe even for a week or so after that.

- physcial pain; achey muscles, loss of apetite, headache, loss of sleep etc - yes yes yes and yes - I actually can feel the pain in my heart and numbness down my arms. I sleep a lot or not at all. Sadly I have never had a loss of appetite - my eating is emotion driven - all emotions make me eat and as a result have put on 2 stone during this process

Guilt -thinking you could have done something differently to change the outcome (when actually you cant) - definately been here, and in truth probably still am - totally over analysing much of our relationship, 'if only' features a lot

Anger - anger at the lost person, at yourself, at others around you - the strength of my anger frightens me, I wish to say no more on that subject

Bargaining - praying to God or alike - funny when you find religion isn't it?

Depression - a time when your at your lowest but this is the turning point it gets better from here...depression can be mild or severe may require medical treatment or emotional support - deep down that black hole right now, and not able to crawl my way out.

so thats where I have been over the last 18 months - and what do I have to look forward to?

Reflection - looking back on what you had and the things you have lost, and what you now have, Reconstruction - building your new life to what you need it to be and Acceptance - knowing there is nothing that you could have done to change the outcome and realising that it was the other persons choice then accepting that this is life now.

I can't even begin to imagine any of those things happenning.....................................

Friday, 1 July 2011

interesting weekend

Mr.B is taking the girls to scout camp this weekend. It will be the first break I have had since moved out (physically, emotionally he has been gone a long time) at the start of April. Its quite timely as I have a stack of essays to write.

But more than that I am looking forward to some peace and quiet for a couple of days.

I am so bloody tired!