Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Careless talk costs lives

Or at least, it can break hearts.

the last couple of years have been incredibly hard on me, emotionally, after Mr.B left.  I didn't think my heart would ever heal as it was broken so badly. But then for the last couple of weeks I have been very much cheered up by a certain bloke I met on the Internet, its been great fun chatting and texting.  Even talking of maybe meeting up.
Then something happened that confused me (now that doesn't take a lot, but with relationship stuff its really confusing) so I talked to a mutual friend of ours.
Unfortunately she thought she was doing the right thing by talking to him - no that was the worse thing she could have done, and now he wants no more contact with me.

So now I am back to square one, reminding myself that hearts on sleeves and trust aren't good things.

I really don't think I will bother anymore.  I don't like being alone, but at least alone you know where you stand and no one can hurt you.

Because really there is only so much hurt you can endure isn't there?

Maybe lovely bloke will forgive me, maybe he won't. But as he won't give me a chance then I can't explain that I am actually a very honest and upfront person (yup that'll be most my problem won't it?)

I just want to be happy, is that really too much to ask for?
I realise I should count my blessings with my children and my health, but don't you think emotional well being goes way beyond that.  I think its about being comfortable in your own skin and not self doubting all the time.  But if you keep getting knocked back how will you ever achieve that?

urgh this is not a good day, I'm still ill which makes it *very* hard to be rational about stuff.

Going to have a couple of hours downtime now and see if I can stop my head from whirling thoughts around - its like having a blender up there at the moment.

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